Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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