you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I cut my penus on the lid.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
