best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just found puke in my bra..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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