The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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