the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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