is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
