Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
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HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.