happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
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Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
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Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.