Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.