How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.