6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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