Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
