DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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