I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
