chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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