Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
