wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
