just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
