Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
