cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
