I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
