Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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