I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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