im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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