Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
