Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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