Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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