so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
