I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize