U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
