like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
