im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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