Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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