i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
