i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
