The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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