he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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