Is it normal to miss your booty call?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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