Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
