Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
What drink are we having for lunch?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize