My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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