Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
