2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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