Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
