Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
