When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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