I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
