i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
