boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
