so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
