Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
