I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
