It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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