dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
