Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
