he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
