I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
