watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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