I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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