after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
