Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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