My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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