i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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