She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
