I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize