dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
