I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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