I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
