Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
