I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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