Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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