is your mom at the bar?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
